I tend to spend a lot of time in my car and as a result, I listen to the radio quite a bit. I know, I know I should listen to CDs or better, get a cord to plug my iPhone into the stereo and listen that way. I do both of those things too but frankly, I like the radio. I have diverse tastes in music and I like most of the radio stations here in the Bay Area. I like the randomness of switching the stations. I like to hear new things and make new discoveries. I like hearing classics as well.
However, I also have a pretty solid list of artists I never need to hear on the radio again. In fact, I bet youve had your fill of them as well.
Before you get all up in arms about the list keep in mind, I like most of these bands. I just never need to hear them on the radio again. Theres also some bands that are equally guilty of being overplayed on radio like Led Zeppelin, Van Halen, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones and AC/DC but these are some of if not THE greatest rock bands of all-time. I never get sick of their hit songs.
Thus, here is my Top Ten Artists that Need to Be Retired From Terrestrial Radio. Ive ranked them in order of ubiquity and how important it is to move on from them on the listening dial. Here goes
Im going to mostly blame The Sopranos for this one but God dammit, radio has ruined Dont Stop Believin forever. When it first wiggled its way back into popular culture, I was thrilled. Its a great song. Now when I hear those opening keyboard keys thudding out, I cant change the station fast enough. Im also annoyed at the band’s continued attempts to hose Steve Perry out of his royalties so, screw them doubly. Radio can also retire Any Way You Want It, Wheel in the Sky and Lights. However, since this is a less annoying band, Im okay with Lovin, Touchin, Squeezin, Faithfully or Stone in Love being played.
9. Aerosmith (**late era particularly)
Look, I dig Aerosmith, I really do. Ive seen them in concert and respect them as a band. I also think its neat they were able to pull themselves back from the edge of obscurity in the late 1980s and early 1990s. But does anyone ever really want to hear Love in an Elevator ever again? Or worse, Dude Looks Like A Lady? Im not even delving into the kind of un-P.C.-ness of that last song (who cares if that dude looks like a lady? Sounds like you might have an issue with how you feel about that.) Im more concerned with the fact its a stupid song. Also played out are Janies Got a Gun which again, does anyone really want to hear that song? Ever? I am okay with Walk This Way and of course Sweet Emotion.
I like Boston, theyre fine. But the thing with Boston is they only had three albums into the 1980s and all their hits came from two of those albums really (Boston and Dont Look Back.) I had my Boston phase and think theyre okay enough but Im sick of hearing More Than a Feeling, Long Time and Peace of Mind while cruising around town. If you think about it, Ill bet you are too. Good band, catchy riffs, way overplayed.
I like older, more out there and bluesy ZZ Top but all the radio friendly stuff has got to go. Im looking at you, Legs, Sharp Dressed Man and Tush. Just knock it off with this stuff. Every time one of those songs comes on I feel like Im waiting in a long line of cars to get into a demolition derby or worse, some kind of backwoods campground. Dont even get me started on Pearl Necklace, which is probably Quagmire from Family Guys favorite song. Wait, maybe its Tube Snake Boogie which can also take a long walk in traffic. Those guys should also shave their beards off a la KISS removing their makeup for a time, get some renewed buzz going.
6. Steve Miller Band
Ugh. Dont even give me one of those awww, come on! lines. Steve Miller Band blows. Badly. My radio never needs play any song by them again including mostly Take the Money and Run, Jungle Love or possibly the worst offender, The Joker. If youre a person who internally shouts YES! when any of those songs comes on, you should take a long look at yourself in the mirror. The only thing Im grateful for when it comes to the Steve Miller Band is that Wild Mountain Honey never reached the charts the way those aforementioned songs did. Incidents of road-rage would be triple.
5. George Thorogood
Back when I was in 6th and 7th grade, George Thorogood and the Delaware Destroyers were number one on my turntable. Right next to Billy Joel. But you know what? I had horrible taste in music and grew out of this borderline A.A. Meeting Novelty Act. Thorogood songs that need to be retired from life as well as the radio include Bad to the Bone, I Drink Alone, One Bourbon, One Scotch and One Beer and Who Do You Love. Ill do you one better. How about we replace those last 2 songs with the original versions which were done by better guitar players, Rudy Toombes and Bo Diddly, respectively. Im not big on the whole issue of white people re-appropriating black peoples music as a serious issue but here, it kind of is one. Thorogood is not only a mediocre guitarist, hes also a teetotaler for crying out loud! Move it on over, indeed.
I dont want to quote N.W.A. here because this is a family website but, well, eff The Police. Granted, its mostly Stings smug demeanor that ruffles my feathers but in terms of getting overplayed, these guys are big time offenders. If you get a chill of excitement when Roxanne, Message in a Bottle, Cant Stand Losing You or Walking on the Moon come on, you really need to roll down the windows in your car and get some air. If youre singing along to Every Breath You Take because you love it, you probably need a mental exam. In fact, Im not entirely sure why The Police have hit songs that arent the catchier ones like Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic or Doo Doo Doo Daa Daa Daa but alas, the world we live in has deemed crap songs like Wrapped Around Your Finger radio friendly.
Go. Away. U2. Seriously, go away from my radio forever. The biggest issue with U2 is that they cross so many genres and much like The Police, their best songs are not the ones that get played on the radio. The good ones that get played to death include Where the Streets Have No Name, Pride In the Name of Love, Sunday Bloody Sunday and New Years Day. These songs are just weird for radio hits and frankly do not belong on the dial. The radio is a place to sing along badly to Cheap Trick or Thin Lizzy, not think back on people trying to do right getting shot and killed. The band also has a bunch of mopey crap like With or Without You and One that you cant escape from if you tried. These songs could be in the supermarket, dentist office, at a wedding or any given party, like a flesh eating virus that attacks just your ears.
2. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
I know this one may come as a surprise but I love Tom Petty and would still be perfectly fine never, ever hearing another one of his hit songs again. American Girl reminds me of Silence of the Lambs and Free Fallin reminds me I should get a lobotomy. The middle of the road songwriting evident on The Waiting, Dont Do Me Like That, and the ear bleeder Running Down a Dream make me turn the radio faster than if Rush Limbaugh were to come on. You Got Lucky, Dont Come Around Here No More and Breakdown are totally boring and I Wont Back Down makes me say I Will Change the Station. Much like U2 I think much of what bugs me about Tom Petty hits is theyre so ubiquitous. They can be on an easy listening, classic rock or even straight up rock station and, they are. Tom Petty is all over the dial and it must stop.
Luckily for me, when I was an impressionable child (with aforementioned bad taste) I had an Eagles phase where I can now easily recognize these money grubbers when they come on the dial and flip the channel faster than if a Viagra commercial came on when my kids in the back seat. As The Big Lebowski himself said, I hate the f$%!ing Eagles, maaaan and, hes right. Their faux-sensitivity, their hatred of one another that gets put aside so they can tour over and over (even though they promised not to) and rake in the bucks as well as the fact that like many of the other bands on this list, you cannot escape them on the radio. Theyre everywhere. My dislike of The Eagles runs so deep Ive put a personal fatwa on any solo Eagles album or song. But then I allowed Joe Walsh to be played in my car because Im a sucker for great guitar licks.
So, there you go. Some bands that narrowly missed the list included The Doors, Madonna, Lynard Skynard, Queen and John Mellencamp. Who are the bands you never need to hear again on the radio?