Bear’s Haiku Movie Review: The Conversation
Film still relevant
Trading freedom for “safety”
Hackman, cast- superb
The review above is all the review of the film I will be presenting. Because I have to address something. And this may very well read as a man who never has any fun but so what?
I talked about The Temple Of Light before here. This isn’t really a retread but more a sequel to the 2021 panegyric.
I went to see The Conversation, one of my favorite films as it was showing in a new restoration print at the Alamo Drafthouse in SF. I’ve been here before. I saw Xanadu and Suspiria there. I had a fine time at both shows. So I don’t know why this experience triggered this conversation (pun intended) and those films did not?
OK, I guess I know the answer… I hadn’t been to the Drafthouse in a while. In fact I told the server I hadn’t been here before. I guess I had forgotten in that moment because I’d been throw off course from the moment I bought my ticket.
The movie was showing all weekend but I could only get there for the Tuesday screening, which just happened to be a showing in the largest theater (so the biggest screen). Yay! I had gotten all excited because I don’t go see movies NEARLY as much as I should or want to for many reasons discussed in the previous article. I wanted popcorn, I want a seat dead center 3/4 of the way back. I was ready to see one of my favorite films for the first time on a movie appropriate screen.
I suppose the gun got officially loaded when I bought my ticket at the theater counter and was forced to pick a seat. Well- fine. But why do I have to do this for some showing that according to the screen I was staring at had sold only two other tickets. The house was VERY empty. I hate having to do things on screen when I go out because I’m on a screen enough as it is. I just want a ticket and I’ll pick my seat when I get into the empty house. Ha! I understand how this probably reads… Like how big of deal could picking a seat be? Well it shouldn’t be a big deal… It was never a big deal in the 90s when just got their early to get a good seat. But-
Also, I was informed the theater would have lights on through the entire movie. Fine. I worked at a movie theater before we always had little isle lights and a few very dim sconces on the side. I get you’re covering the bases so if somebody complains about too many lights or lack of lights.
The next bit of business was popcorn! Yes, it is always overpriced. Yes, I could make better popcorn at home and sneak it in. But I DO want movie houses to survive because I do LOVE cinema so I try to support them when I can.
Upon inquiring about concessions I was told there would be menus at my seat. At least there were menus and not QR code to scan (I HATE that).
I walk into the empty house and pick a seat just like I used to do when I worked at the movie theater in the 90s. In somewhat center on the screen about 3/4s of the way back. I had already forgot there was assigned seating and so the poor gopher girl that greets me informs somebody else MAY have bought that seat in this empty house so I need to sit in the seat I originally picked at the counter. I mean I don’t know if seat theft has been on the rise since the nineties but OK covering the bases, fine.
Welp, I read the seat map upside down so I was actually closer to the front that I liked. I wasn’t in the mood to get into how the theater contained two people, me and her. She was young and just doing her job and clearly already plenty awkward about having to enforce the rules in an empty theater.
She also proceeded to explain to me how the menu and call button worked and then left. This is when I felt felt my loaded gun get, “triggered”. It was a feeling that I would ultimately register as both frustration and sadness- more on that in a moment.
In the end I did not order popcorn because there was only one size option, “endless popcorn bowl”. Or some fancier flavored stuff. As somebody who is who has an addiction to food I was not tempting myself with that.
Well, since Alamo Drafthouse was trying to be fancier to compete with home “theaters” they had fancier options. And since popcorn was almost $12 I might as well just order some actual food for a little bit more money.
Ultimately, I went with a vanilla shake, which was hilariously cheaper than the popcorn. But you had nachos, fries, salad… We served hot dogs and nachos at Blackhawk Cinemas at our concession stands so that is not entirely new. But the options were still quite limited back then.
Now, I may be some dying breed of movie goer but I want my movie house to be a movie house and commit to it. I came to see a movie not go to a restaurant.
Because here is the thing, at my screening I was one of four people in the biggest screening room there. It was empty. But when browsing the website for films coming in the future that I might want to see on the big screen- The Muppet Movie was sold out. So picture a 200 seat packed theater and you are trying to watch a movie you love and everyone is ordering food and so throughout the entire film you have waiters trotting up down the isles blocking and disrupting your view. Possibly at crucial moments of the film! Or picture some guy ordering the “Endless Popcorn Bowl” and trying to break a world record and every fifteen minutes the waiter has to pass in front of you probably feeling as awkward as you are annoyed.
So the movie going experience, meaning experiencing the art of cinema, has been lessened and movie-goers just allowed this lowering of standards and respect to film by paying more for stuff that is unrelated to the art you are their to take in! I get that theaters have to survive but again, pick a lane be a restaurant or be a movie theater. Or be a restaurant attached to a movie theater but don’t put it in the actually screening room!
Also, because they now have wait staff this means… guess what?
They cannot turn the lights completely off. The staff has to be able to see to serve food! And THAT is my biggest gripe, yes I was told going in about the lights. But it did not occur to me it would be like actual LIGHTS. WTF? The brightest light in the room should be the projector. Not overhead lights in the ceiling! I should barely be able to make out other patrons’ faces when I see a movie because it is so dark. All of this extra noise takes your focus away from the film. To say nothing of how movies were originally created with a near pitch black room in mind. Much in the same way Bach composed work in way meant for the churches music was performed in.
Look- I settled in. I watched the film. It is still great and I enjoyed it seeing it on a giant screen like i was supposed to. And while I HATE ads before movie I liked that they showed quirky vintage ads from 60s-90s and they kept the volume down on them.
My server was the only server and she came three times, to take the order, deliver the order, and bring me my check ten minutes before the film ended. So imagine that in packed house. All these waiters bringing checks and everyone whipping out their phones to try and read the bill TEN MINUTES near the end of a film, probably the most important ten minutes of the film!
I’d be madder if it didn’t feel so laughable now. The movie industry like the concert industry has done all in it’s power to make the experience MORE miserable and yet people keep going. Well they definitely keep going to concerts- movie houses are struggling, and I wrote about that in the piece linked above. But I do think people have lowered their standards and respect for the art of film. And I am curious as to why that is?
The theater needs to be dark damn it! Otherwise I feel like I watching a film at home on some old Panasonic with wood paneling, in my parent’s living room in the 80s. The only difference being the bigger screen size with no glare and it is not in pan-scan. At the Castro Theater, where I saw Dirty Harry last year, the theater, was DARK. But they also were not trying to be a restaurant. And sadly now are also trying to not be a movie theater.
Since I’ve already come this far let’s just add a cherry- the seats. The seats are nice, fine, big, comfortable… great. And it’s not that I want hard uncomfortable seats but when I go to the Roxie for the French film noir festival those seats are old school and I SIT in those seats. The seating at Drafthouse… I had to keep reminding myself to sit up in the seat as I slid down and got relaxed. That’s my own problem I know but it does change how I interact with film and changes how others interact with it too because you make the movie theater more like people’s living room they treat it like their living room and in some cases actually take the phone call during the shower scene in, Psycho or the opening of Scream.
To be clear this is not an attack on the people who run the Drafthouse. Or the Drafthouse itself, which I admire for showcasing older masterworks of film. It is a screed against our society and how “we the people” continue to lower our standards towards our culture, culture (like film) that is uniquely a US invention.
In closing, I have said I am a dying breed of movie goer. I accept that and I will go down swinging. And maybe some of you even go down swinging with me.
But whatever your feelings I want you take a moment and picture in your mind all I have said about bright lights and waiters and food and other “pollution”. All those new amenities theaters are using to trying get butts in seats. Got the imagine your head? Good. Hold onto that for just a moment longer.
Now replace the movie screen with a theater or musical stage or a symphony or opera stage. A bit jarring isn’t it? And trust me those will be headed in the same direction if we don’t pass on not just the art and the culture around it but the respect for that art and culture.
Keep it simple stupid. Give me popcorn and soda before I enter (maybe your candy of choice). Keep it dark and stay outta my way because, “Hey! I’m watchin’ here!”
